SurvivingFE

Welcome to another episode of “ChalkCode & Coffee: Survival in Further Education” – otherwise known as “When Teachers Try to Take a Sick Day but End Up Running the College from Bed.”

It all started innocently enough. I waved my white flag at 4pm on a Sunday, surrendering to the flu gods and texting my manager with the classic: “I won’t be in tomorrow, can you cover my lessons?” He’s a science teacher – or so I thought – but then he’s also claimed to be a maths teacher before. A man of many talents… just never available ones. Predictably, within the hour he responded: “Sorry, I’m already covering other lessons.” Of course. I wasn’t exactly counting on him. I’d already uploaded the work on Teams, sent apologies to students and planned to spend the next 24 hours drowning in hot lemon and self-pity.

But alas, FE life doesn’t let go so easily.

Monday morning, after a flu-riddled, sweat-soaked night, I opened my eyes – and my Teams notifications – to chaos. My students were loyally waiting outside the classroom. Messages flooded in:

> “Miss, are you coming?”
“We’re here, where are you?”
“Is this a test?”



Apparently, none of them saw my message on Teams, even though it was the same chat we always use. Classic. I began the slow, feverish task of replying one by one: “See my earlier message…” But oh, that was just the start. Soon came the questions:

> “Where’s the resource?”
“Do we have to do it today?”
“Can you summarise the video for us?”
“When will we get our test results?”



I was forty minutes into what should have been my absence, and already wondering if I could ghost them all like a dodgy Tinder date. Then came this gem:

> “Miss, where are you?”



I stared at it for a full minute before deciding, No. Let them wonder.

Just as I was drifting back to flu-induced slumber, a call comes in. My manager:

> “Hi, have you seen my email?”



No. I’m sick. That was my reply.

> “Can you just quickly check?”



Why did I even respond? Why didn’t I fake a coma?

Anyway, curiosity (and managerial guilt) got the better of me, and I checked the email. He’d been tasked with inviting parents to a parents’ evening – and wanted me to check the times. Fine. But as I scrolled, I noticed he’d missed three teachers entirely. So now, in my pyjamas, head pounding, wrapped in a duvet, I was coaching my own manager through admin.

Who is the manager here, honestly?

It’s now midday. My phone buzzes again. A student, bless her conscientious soul:

> “Hi Miss, I’m sorry you’re ill – but when will you be back?”



I don’t know, child. The flu doesn’t give ETA updates.

But wait – another flood of messages. They can’t open files. They don’t know where to look. Some want exact return dates so they can get their test results. One student even asked:

> “Can you just tell me what to write so I can finish it quickly?”



Ah, the sweet, naive belief that I’d summarise a whole lesson for them while battling the flu and basic existential dread.

Then finally – a message from a student who’s also off sick:

> “Miss, I wanted to know when you’ll post another lesson.”



I replied, “When will you be back in school?”
She said, “Not sure, I’m sick.”
Me: “Me too.”
Her: “Ok Miss, so in two days?”

Because clearly we’re now on matching recovery timelines. Solidarity, I guess.

So yes. I tried to take a sick day. But Further Education doesn’t do out-of-office. It just laughs in your face, wraps you in a blanket of unanswered messages, and then politely asks if you could please manage the college timetable from your deathbed.

Stay caffeinated, comrades.
We suffer, so the registers may be ticked.